This past sunday was Pi Day, a day dedicated to honoring the irrational number π. I first celebrated Pi Day sophomore year of high school in Mrs. Trost's math class. My friends and I didn't "do our homework"...so we loaded up on pi-related extra credit, including (as best as I can remember) making pie, singing a song about pi, memorizing pi to some dumb number of digits, etc. etc. etc. I wish we had known about this website devoted to pi day back then.
This year, I headed to the Hubbard Avenue Diner for Pi day. It's a Food Fight restaurant in Middleton, and generally a pretty decent-but-not-great place to eat. Our booth of five had three servings of the daily quiche, a frittata, and some eggs+other things breakfast plate. I enjoyed the quiche - it was packed with mushrooms, asparagus, and cheese (plus some other stuff that I just can't remember right now). As far as savory egg pies go, this was fantastic.
Sadly, the dessert pies were across-the-board disappointing. I think it was partly orderers' remorse and partly just sub-par pies (and in one case, cake). Julie had a sour cream/somekindofberry pie, and I thought that was probably the best of the booth. Tim got a german chocolate pie, and Ann ordered something with a funny texture. Maybe I should have been paying closer attention, but they were way on the other end of the booth. It was tough to see. Calli's dulce leche pie was okay, but I can see where it would get old after about two bites. It seemed like flan with a crust, cut into a pie shape. Now, that's not necessarily a bad thing, but we were there for Pi day. Not pie-shaped flan day.
Speaking of misleading dessert, my pie was actually cake. I ordered the Boston Cream pie, which is actually a round cake filled with a cream filling. I should have known this, but I got distracted by a debate regarding the optimum filling for doughnuts. I think we can all agree that when it comes to bavarian cream v. icing, bavarian cream wins in a landslide. Jelly-filled doughnuts are sent to the NIT.
Anyway, I should have known that boston cream pie wasn't the way to go on Pi day. There was a tempting strawberry rhubarb pie that I considered, and now I realize that I should have gone with that. However, Thomas B. Marlow's 3rd Rule doesn't allow for strawberry rhubarb pie consumption until mid-may. Pi Day falls into the gap between French Silk and Lemon Meringue seasons.
Pi day 2010 was marred by the lack of satisfaction in our pies. Maybe next year, we'll drive to a Norske Nook.
Showing posts with label Thomas B. Marlow's Rules. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thomas B. Marlow's Rules. Show all posts
March 17, 2010
January 25, 2010
Rule 5: The Proper Handlng of Fortune Cookies
I recently ate at Chin's, and received a rather disappointing fortune cookie.* It read, "you will use a confidential tip to earn financial success" or something lame like that.
*Still, not as bad as my worst fortune ever. I was with my family and got the fortune "Don't worry, looks aren't everything." Jody still laughs when remembering that day.
Anyway, having this fortune cookie reminded me that there is a very specific protocol regarding fortune cookies - a rule, if you will.
Rule 5: The Proper Handling of Fortune Cookies
When receiving fortune cookies at the end of a meal, a table must briefly examine them and then choose the correct cookie. There is not any correct way to choose your cookie, but look for smoothness in the texture of the cookie and a consistent color.
Once you have chosen a cookie, break it in half.
Important: DO NOT READ THE FORTUNE.
The cookie must be eaten completely before the fortune is read. Reading the paper prematurely results in misleading, inaccurate fortunes. Once the cookie has been eaten, read any token Chinese translations or lucky numbers on the back side. Only then, after everything else has been completed, can the fortune be read.
November 5, 2009
Rule 8: Consumption of Eggnog
After hearing rumors of egg nog sightings at area grocery stores, I finally saw the blessed cartons of deliciousness firsthand last week. This got me thinking about seasonality of eggnog and the calendar of allowable eggnog drinking. After some (careful) thought, Mr. Marlow presents:
Rule 8: The Proper Consumption of Eggnog
Eggnog is described by Wikipedia as a "sweetened dairy-based beverage made with milk, cream, sugar, and beaten eggs... flavoured with ground cinnamon and nutmeg." Families will often have variants of this basic recipe, and the spice used to garnish a glass of egg nog will often range from cinnamon to nutmeg to allspice. John Legend, however, has a strong opinion on the correct spice to use.
As a lifelong drinker of eggnog with cinnamon, I have a bit of a soft spot for that combination. While there may not be a 100% correct recipe for this nectar, there are definite time periods where it should and should not be consumed.
Commercial non-alcoholic eggnog - Thanksgiving to March 1st
Commercial alcoholic eggnog - Thanksgiving to February 1st
Homemade non-alcoholic eggnog - year-round
Homemade alcoholic eggnog - November 1st to March 1st
Explanations (though not necessary) follow.
Homemade eggnog has a longer season because a: the effort that goes into making it should be rewarded and b: it's tough to find the stuff in stores all the time.
Non-alcoholic eggnog has a longer life because at some point, if you want a drink with alcohol in it, there are better options than eggnog. However, sometimes there is just an irresistible urge to have the coma-inducing elixir. I understand that.
It's happening to me right now.
Rule 8: The Proper Consumption of Eggnog
Eggnog is described by Wikipedia as a "sweetened dairy-based beverage made with milk, cream, sugar, and beaten eggs... flavoured with ground cinnamon and nutmeg." Families will often have variants of this basic recipe, and the spice used to garnish a glass of egg nog will often range from cinnamon to nutmeg to allspice. John Legend, however, has a strong opinion on the correct spice to use.
As a lifelong drinker of eggnog with cinnamon, I have a bit of a soft spot for that combination. While there may not be a 100% correct recipe for this nectar, there are definite time periods where it should and should not be consumed.
Commercial non-alcoholic eggnog - Thanksgiving to March 1st
Commercial alcoholic eggnog - Thanksgiving to February 1st
Homemade non-alcoholic eggnog - year-round
Homemade alcoholic eggnog - November 1st to March 1st
Explanations (though not necessary) follow.
Homemade eggnog has a longer season because a: the effort that goes into making it should be rewarded and b: it's tough to find the stuff in stores all the time.
Non-alcoholic eggnog has a longer life because at some point, if you want a drink with alcohol in it, there are better options than eggnog. However, sometimes there is just an irresistible urge to have the coma-inducing elixir. I understand that.
It's happening to me right now.
November 3, 2009
Rule 4: On Going Through Doors
Thomas B. Marlow returns with the latest installment of his Rules of Everyday Life -
Rule 4: On Going Through Doors
When presented with an entryway, there are several factors one must consider before proceeding through one door or another.
Number of doors:
1 - Go through this door. Wait for anybody coming through from the opposite direction, and hold it for anybody following you.
2 - Go through the door to the right.
3 - Go through the door to the right. The middle door should not be used except in the case of fire, or some other emergency that legitimately calls for mass movement. As you pass through the door, silently curse the architect for placing three doors in the passageway.
4 - Go through either of the two doors on the right, but preferably the one farthest to the right.
5 - Seriously? Either of the two doors on the right, again preferring the one farthest to the right. Curse the architect out loud.
6 - Go through any of the three doors on the right, with the outermost doors most preferable.
7 - Do not enter this building.
8 - Go through any of the four doors on the right. Pretend that these doors are numbered 1-4 with the number increasing as you move to the right. The best doors to use are (in order of best to worst) 4,2,3,1.
9+ - Do not enter this building.
General Guidelines -
1. Obviously, the door on the right of the structure are most preferable, but if a stranger is holding a door for you, go through that one. That's right, even if it is on the left. Sometimes, being polite is more important than strict adherence to the rules.* If a friend tries to hold a left door for you, look at them and say, "Hey! NO! We go through the correct door, crazy!"
2. Holding doors for people behind you is recommended. It is mandatory if you can tell the person behind you is pregnant or has an injury (I once saw a friend let a theatre door slam on a girl with a broken leg. She probably doesn't care for Thomas B. Marlow's rules at all.) In the case that there is an able-bodied person far enough behind you so that you'd have to wait a bit holding the door for them, and they don't make an effort to quicken their pace as to reach the door in a more timely fashion, let it go.
3. Do not hold revolving doors. Do not repeatedly go around in revolving doors. Act like you have been in a revolving door before.
*Not always. For example, regarding pie seasonality: adherence to the rules > politeness.
Rule 4: On Going Through Doors
When presented with an entryway, there are several factors one must consider before proceeding through one door or another.
Number of doors:
1 - Go through this door. Wait for anybody coming through from the opposite direction, and hold it for anybody following you.
2 - Go through the door to the right.
3 - Go through the door to the right. The middle door should not be used except in the case of fire, or some other emergency that legitimately calls for mass movement. As you pass through the door, silently curse the architect for placing three doors in the passageway.
4 - Go through either of the two doors on the right, but preferably the one farthest to the right.
5 - Seriously? Either of the two doors on the right, again preferring the one farthest to the right. Curse the architect out loud.
6 - Go through any of the three doors on the right, with the outermost doors most preferable.
7 - Do not enter this building.
8 - Go through any of the four doors on the right. Pretend that these doors are numbered 1-4 with the number increasing as you move to the right. The best doors to use are (in order of best to worst) 4,2,3,1.
9+ - Do not enter this building.
General Guidelines -
1. Obviously, the door on the right of the structure are most preferable, but if a stranger is holding a door for you, go through that one. That's right, even if it is on the left. Sometimes, being polite is more important than strict adherence to the rules.* If a friend tries to hold a left door for you, look at them and say, "Hey! NO! We go through the correct door, crazy!"
2. Holding doors for people behind you is recommended. It is mandatory if you can tell the person behind you is pregnant or has an injury (I once saw a friend let a theatre door slam on a girl with a broken leg. She probably doesn't care for Thomas B. Marlow's rules at all.) In the case that there is an able-bodied person far enough behind you so that you'd have to wait a bit holding the door for them, and they don't make an effort to quicken their pace as to reach the door in a more timely fashion, let it go.
3. Do not hold revolving doors. Do not repeatedly go around in revolving doors. Act like you have been in a revolving door before.
*Not always. For example, regarding pie seasonality: adherence to the rules > politeness.
September 11, 2009
Wisconsin English
I took a couple of linguistics classes during my college career, and learned a bunch of fairly dorky things. For example, Jeff spelled out in IPA looks awesome. While in the first class I went to a lecture on Wisconsin Englishes that, quite frankly, was more annoying than cool. If I remember correctly, it was filled with a bunch of old coots complaining about the way young kids talked. Whatever. The WI English Project is pretty neat (if you're as cool as I am) and the DARE website is also a great resource for finding out about regional differences in American English.
I don't know exactly how to make a rule for this, but rest assured that Thomas B. Marlow has opinions on the proper way to describe objects. Let's tackle two of Wisconsin's more prominent linguistic debates - bubbler v. drinking fountain v. water fountain and soda v. pop v. cola.
Bubbler/Drinking Fountain/Water Fountain
All right. Each of these words do have meaning - bubbler refers to a specific type of drinking fountain made by the Kohler Company. All bubblers are drinking fountains, but not all drinking fountains are bubblers. Follow? Good. Water fountains are like the one on library mall. Generally, I'd not drink out of one, but throw coins in it.
Okay, moving on to...
Soda/Pop/Cola
As you can see by this map, Wisconsin is at a crossroads of blue and green dots...which means that people are going to say pop and soda at fairly equal rates (okay, not really sure about the exact numbers/frequencies of the word choice, but it doesn't matter. You hear both around here.). The larger point here: if you're really a Wisconsite trying to decide whether to order a soda or a pop, the word you're really looking for is beer.
I don't know exactly how to make a rule for this, but rest assured that Thomas B. Marlow has opinions on the proper way to describe objects. Let's tackle two of Wisconsin's more prominent linguistic debates - bubbler v. drinking fountain v. water fountain and soda v. pop v. cola.
Bubbler/Drinking Fountain/Water Fountain
All right. Each of these words do have meaning - bubbler refers to a specific type of drinking fountain made by the Kohler Company. All bubblers are drinking fountains, but not all drinking fountains are bubblers. Follow? Good. Water fountains are like the one on library mall. Generally, I'd not drink out of one, but throw coins in it.
Okay, moving on to...
Soda/Pop/Cola
As you can see by this map, Wisconsin is at a crossroads of blue and green dots...which means that people are going to say pop and soda at fairly equal rates (okay, not really sure about the exact numbers/frequencies of the word choice, but it doesn't matter. You hear both around here.). The larger point here: if you're really a Wisconsite trying to decide whether to order a soda or a pop, the word you're really looking for is beer.
September 3, 2009
Getting It Right
Lest it seem that Thomas B. Marlow only makes rules to call out rule-breakers, I thought I'd point out an example of someone really understanding how to do things.
Seen at a shop in Egg Harbor, WI:
I wish it wasn't necessary to ask people to keep the letters in order, but apparently only some of us automatically alphabetize.
Seen at a shop in Egg Harbor, WI:
I wish it wasn't necessary to ask people to keep the letters in order, but apparently only some of us automatically alphabetize. 
September 2, 2009
Rule 84
Presenting the latest installment in Thomas B. Marlow's series of Rules by Which to Arrange Your Life (we decided holidays are too narrow of a scope for a book deal),
Rule 84: The Proper Arrangement of Restaurant Cream Packets
Not too long ago, I was out to eat with my family. We were a reservation-less party of seven, which led to a Thanksgiving-esque separation of the adults and children. While my parents and grandparents enjoyed a grownup meal, my sister and her boyfriend were treated to the brilliance of Thomas B. Marlow - in this case dealing with cream packets.
The guidelines for cream packet arrangement are quite simple, really. Usually they will be placed in a circular dish, like so:
This is terrible. The haphazard placement is an affront to the proper order of the world. Correctly ordered, a dish should look like this:
Obviously, as you continue to drink coffee your arrangement will have to change - keep it geometric!
As happens throughout history, genius is not appreciated:
Rule 84: The Proper Arrangement of Restaurant Cream Packets
Not too long ago, I was out to eat with my family. We were a reservation-less party of seven, which led to a Thanksgiving-esque separation of the adults and children. While my parents and grandparents enjoyed a grownup meal, my sister and her boyfriend were treated to the brilliance of Thomas B. Marlow - in this case dealing with cream packets.
The guidelines for cream packet arrangement are quite simple, really. Usually they will be placed in a circular dish, like so:
This is terrible. The haphazard placement is an affront to the proper order of the world. Correctly ordered, a dish should look like this:
Obviously, as you continue to drink coffee your arrangement will have to change - keep it geometric!
- The solitary cream packet
- Side-by-side
- Triangle
- Square
- Pentagon
- Hexagon, center open
- Hexagon, center filled
- Start stacking a second level or drink some coffee
As happens throughout history, genius is not appreciated:
August 6, 2009
Paper Scissors Rock
Most, if not all, of you are aware of the game in which two players choose either paper, scissors, or a rock in the hopes of defeating the other player. This game (or its variants) is popular across the globe, according to Wikipedia.
One thing that Wikipedia gets wrong, however, is the game's preferred name. According to Thomas B. Marlow (in addition to being a world-renowned expert on holiday rules, he is unparalleled in his knowledge of games' proper playing and naming), Paper Scissors Rock is the correct name of the game. True, most people will know what you're talking about if you put the words in the wrong order, but...it's just like stairs in groups of seven. At the risk of sounding grandiose, calling the game Rock Paper Scissors is an affront to nature - just as the Designated Hitter and night games mar the inherent beauty of a baseball game.
One thing that Wikipedia gets wrong, however, is the game's preferred name. According to Thomas B. Marlow (in addition to being a world-renowned expert on holiday rules, he is unparalleled in his knowledge of games' proper playing and naming), Paper Scissors Rock is the correct name of the game. True, most people will know what you're talking about if you put the words in the wrong order, but...it's just like stairs in groups of seven. At the risk of sounding grandiose, calling the game Rock Paper Scissors is an affront to nature - just as the Designated Hitter and night games mar the inherent beauty of a baseball game.
July 21, 2009
A box of WHAT?
Dairy Queen, your latest Blizzard ad campaign is in clear violation of Thomas B. Marlow's Rule 1: The Proper Naming of Girl Scout Cookies - so no, I would not like to buy even ONE Tagalong Blizzard.
I could go for a Peanut Butter Pattie one, on the other hand...
I could go for a Peanut Butter Pattie one, on the other hand...
July 20, 2009
Rule A1
So I've been trying to think of how this next rule relates to a holiday...any holiday would do, and I can't think of anything. Congratulations, Thomas B. Marlow has just decided to write a second book (or chapter, I suppose) called Thomas B. Marlow's Rules for Everyday Life! Plan on a release date approximately 6 months after the holiday book is completed - or "never," for those of you still in "reality."
Moving on... I present Rule A1*: The Proper Installation and Use of Light Switches
*Clearly, the numbering system will have to be reworked for the publication. Bear with me for now.
Light switches are vital to the health of a room - they control the flow of electricity to the room, turning a scary-at-age-5 staircase into something more bearable, something with fewer monsters. They also have the power (ha!) to render a room almost uninhabitable, if misused.
If there is one switch leading to a light, the switch should be installed so that electricity is flowing when the switch is UP. It just makes sense.
If there are two switches leading to one outlet or light, things get more complicated. When both switches are in the DOWN position, the light should be off. The light should be on if one switch is UP and one is DOWN. The switches should never be both UP - at that point the light would be off, and therefore the switches should both be DOWN. Nothing is more disconcerting than a stairway, for example, with mismatched light switches at either end.
Moving on... I present Rule A1*: The Proper Installation and Use of Light Switches
*Clearly, the numbering system will have to be reworked for the publication. Bear with me for now.
Light switches are vital to the health of a room - they control the flow of electricity to the room, turning a scary-at-age-5 staircase into something more bearable, something with fewer monsters. They also have the power (ha!) to render a room almost uninhabitable, if misused.
If there is one switch leading to a light, the switch should be installed so that electricity is flowing when the switch is UP. It just makes sense.
If there are two switches leading to one outlet or light, things get more complicated. When both switches are in the DOWN position, the light should be off. The light should be on if one switch is UP and one is DOWN. The switches should never be both UP - at that point the light would be off, and therefore the switches should both be DOWN. Nothing is more disconcerting than a stairway, for example, with mismatched light switches at either end.
June 17, 2009
Rule 15. In Which Gifts are Exchanged
Rule 15. Christmas Gift Protocol
Gifts are to be opened on Christmas morning, with two exceptions.
A. A family member has to work during the morning of Christmas Day. Ideally, the exchange process will then be pushed back to the afternoon.
B. Other conflicts preventing people from attending the exchange on Christmas morning. These will usually happen after families grow, causing scheduling festivities to become increasingly difficult. In this case, gift exchanges may be moved earlier or later than Christmas Day, but no more than two (2) weeks in either direction. Travel will inevitably throw wrinkles into holiday plans - note, however, that in these cases postponing the celebration is preferred to having it earlier. If travel teaches you anything, it should be patience.
Now, I know that there are many different cultural examples of gift exchanges - I think by law I have to be fascinated by the Potlatch...and I am a huge fan of the Fraggles' tradition of Passing It On (starts ~ 1:50):
As much as I'd love to keep talking about the various quirks of A Muppet Family Christmas...that would take until FOR. EV. ER. This will have to do for now.
Gifts are to be opened on Christmas morning, with two exceptions.
A. A family member has to work during the morning of Christmas Day. Ideally, the exchange process will then be pushed back to the afternoon.
B. Other conflicts preventing people from attending the exchange on Christmas morning. These will usually happen after families grow, causing scheduling festivities to become increasingly difficult. In this case, gift exchanges may be moved earlier or later than Christmas Day, but no more than two (2) weeks in either direction. Travel will inevitably throw wrinkles into holiday plans - note, however, that in these cases postponing the celebration is preferred to having it earlier. If travel teaches you anything, it should be patience.
Now, I know that there are many different cultural examples of gift exchanges - I think by law I have to be fascinated by the Potlatch...and I am a huge fan of the Fraggles' tradition of Passing It On (starts ~ 1:50):
As much as I'd love to keep talking about the various quirks of A Muppet Family Christmas...that would take until FOR. EV. ER. This will have to do for now.
June 14, 2009
Rule 16: Stairs
Rule 16: The proper number of stairs.
Flights of stairs usually contain between 8 and 16 steps - and the number does matter, incidentally. From best to worst:
16
8
12
15
10
14
9,11,13. They're all bad.
Two quick stories: The Comfort Suite in Green Bay is a pretty nice place to stay - except for their staircases. One staircase has two flights, each with 8 steps. Nice . EVERYWHERE ELSE it is 7 and 9! WHAT??!? JEEZ.
Working at the Wisconsin Historical Society Headquarters building is both good and bad - one of the best things about it is that the flights of stairs are all 16. It's gorgeous.
Yuck.
Flights of stairs usually contain between 8 and 16 steps - and the number does matter, incidentally. From best to worst:
16
8
12
15
10
14
9,11,13. They're all bad.
Two quick stories: The Comfort Suite in Green Bay is a pretty nice place to stay - except for their staircases. One staircase has two flights, each with 8 steps. Nice . EVERYWHERE ELSE it is 7 and 9! WHAT??!? JEEZ.
Working at the Wisconsin Historical Society Headquarters building is both good and bad - one of the best things about it is that the flights of stairs are all 16. It's gorgeous.
Yuck.
May 28, 2009
Rule 3
Thomas B. Marlow is back with perhaps his most controversial rule to date.
There is an undeniable link between certain times of the year and what pies are eligible to be eaten. Sometimes, as in the case of strawberry-based pies, the link is primarily agricultural. Fresh ripe strawberries are tops - if you can somehow manage to not eat them while you're making your pie, props to you. Other limits are based more on aesthetics rather than, you know, logic. Regardless of my motivations for determing the vagarities of Pie Law, Marlow's Laws are not to be debated.
There are several pieces of information that jump out from this primitive graphic. First, I think it's clear that under no circumstances is it ever okay to eat Banana Cream Pie. Gross. It would be much preferable to just eat a cream pie and a banana separately. Come on.
Rule 3: Temporal Limits on Pie Consumption, or When Not to Eat Certain Pies.
There is an undeniable link between certain times of the year and what pies are eligible to be eaten. Sometimes, as in the case of strawberry-based pies, the link is primarily agricultural. Fresh ripe strawberries are tops - if you can somehow manage to not eat them while you're making your pie, props to you. Other limits are based more on aesthetics rather than, you know, logic. Regardless of my motivations for determing the vagarities of Pie Law, Marlow's Laws are not to be debated.
Pumpkin Pie is acceptable - even suggested - from October 1st until December 1st.
Apple Pie immediately before Pumpkin, Pecan immediately after...these are all logical.
Cherry Pie is to be eaten on a family vacation to Door County, Wisconsin in mid-August. Otherwise, pass.
Blueberries are gross, but I can almost understand eating them in a patriotic-themed pie around Independence Day. Maybe.
If you wanted to twist my arm, I could probably be convinced to make Pecan Pie a year-round item.
If you wanted to twist my arm, I could probably be convinced to make Pecan Pie a year-round item.
May 19, 2009
Rule 44: How to Toast the Perfect Marshmallow
Recently I have discovered that the proper method for roasting marshmallows is not universally agreed-upon. Here we will set it straight.
Rule 44: The Perfect MarshmallowIn my experience, burning the marshmallow is a clear mark of a toaster who lacks the skill and artistry of proper marshmallow toasting. Despair not, friends! It can be learned - I will give marshmallow toasting lessons for the low fee of 1 half bag of marshmallows. Call for details.
The Perfect Marshmallow is a vital component of any backyard barbecue or bonfire or camping trip. Holidays that are likely to include toasting marshmallows are Memorial Day, Flag Day(?), the Fourth of July, Labor Day, and any gorgeous summer weeknight. However, the enjoyment of these holidays can be marred by improperly toasting one's marshmallow. The Perfect Marshmallow is gently toasted until golden brown on all sides with a delightfully gooey interior. This might take patience, but the end result is well worth waiting for.
Under no circumstances is the marshmallow to be plunged into the fire, ignited, and left to burn to a black char.
April 30, 2009
Rule Number 2
Continuing the series of Thomas B. Marlows's Guide to Holiday Traditions, I bring to you Rule 2: The Proper Consumption and Use of Holiday Chocolate.
2. Eating Holiday Chocolate
Chocolate given as a gift during a time of the year associated with a holiday shall be consumed in the period between one week prior to and one week after said holiday. Past this time period, the chocolate can still be eaten - but must be manipulated into a more appropriate form.
2b. Using Post-Holiday Chocolate
After the week has passed, the chocolate must be transformed in order to eat it. For example, say you receive a chocolate Santa Claus and can't finish it by January 2nd. You can easily switch it to New Year's Chocolate by melting it, reshaping it into a rectangle, and carving 2010 (or whatever) into the rectangle - now you have an entirely new, holiday-appropriate chocolate bar!
Melting chocolate is not difficult; it can be done either with a watchful eye and a microwave or with a double boiler on the stovetop. After it is melted, the reshaping can be as easy or as complicated as you'd like. Have leftover Valentine's Day chocolate? Make chocolate quarters or dollars in honor of Washington's birthday. The possibilities are endless - well, not really...but there are many possibilities.
Watch a video of me discussing Rule 2 here, and more images of an example chocolate rose here.
2. Eating Holiday Chocolate
Chocolate given as a gift during a time of the year associated with a holiday shall be consumed in the period between one week prior to and one week after said holiday. Past this time period, the chocolate can still be eaten - but must be manipulated into a more appropriate form.
2b. Using Post-Holiday Chocolate
After the week has passed, the chocolate must be transformed in order to eat it. For example, say you receive a chocolate Santa Claus and can't finish it by January 2nd. You can easily switch it to New Year's Chocolate by melting it, reshaping it into a rectangle, and carving 2010 (or whatever) into the rectangle - now you have an entirely new, holiday-appropriate chocolate bar!
Melting chocolate is not difficult; it can be done either with a watchful eye and a microwave or with a double boiler on the stovetop. After it is melted, the reshaping can be as easy or as complicated as you'd like. Have leftover Valentine's Day chocolate? Make chocolate quarters or dollars in honor of Washington's birthday. The possibilities are endless - well, not really...but there are many possibilities.
Watch a video of me discussing Rule 2 here, and more images of an example chocolate rose here.
April 20, 2009
Mapping the Delicious
All right, kids - this is post 1.
My name is Jeff - I live in Madison, Wisconsin and am an archaeologist/musician (rockstarchaeologist). In my spare time, I enjoy reading, cooking, reading about cooking, and baseball (in particular the Cubs, but the game itself as an object of beauty). This blog will mainly cover these topics, plus any funny stories from projects I'm working on around WI.
As of now, there is one regular feature - Thomas B. Marlow's Guide to Holiday Traditions. This will be a series of rules to follow as you plan/celebrate holidays, as well as life in general. For example, Rule 1: The Proper Naming of Girl Scout Cookies.
Thin Mints - no debate here; the most popular species.
Peanut Butter Sandwich - also referred to as the 'Do-Si-Do'. Why? If I remember correctly from 8th grade gym class, the Do-Si-Do is a square dancing move...which has no connection at all to cookies.
Shortbread/Trefoils - These shortbread cookies have the Girl Scout Trefoil design in them. Either name is acceptable.
There are more varieties of cookies, but really...who eats any of them besides the ones discussed above? They also seem to only have one name, eliminating much of the potential controversy.
Bonus Example: Rule 40: In Regards to the Eating and Reading of Fortune Cookies.
Fortune Cookies are to be broken apart and eaten before reading your fortune. Failure to comply by Rule 40 voids the fortune contained within said cookie.
In addition to these completely serious rules that you should make every attempt to follow, I can see a weekly recap of archaeological travails as a possible regular post, and probably a regular NL Central rundown. We shall see.
Wow...I wish I had some Caramel Delights right now :(
My name is Jeff - I live in Madison, Wisconsin and am an archaeologist/musician (rockstarchaeologist). In my spare time, I enjoy reading, cooking, reading about cooking, and baseball (in particular the Cubs, but the game itself as an object of beauty). This blog will mainly cover these topics, plus any funny stories from projects I'm working on around WI.
As of now, there is one regular feature - Thomas B. Marlow's Guide to Holiday Traditions. This will be a series of rules to follow as you plan/celebrate holidays, as well as life in general. For example, Rule 1: The Proper Naming of Girl Scout Cookies.
Thin Mints - no debate here; the most popular species.
Caramel Delights - the first controversy. Currently, the Girl Scouts sell these cookies branded as either Caramel deLites or Samoas. Caramel deLites' flaw is the inane spelling of delight. However, this pales in comparison to the travesty that is the Samoa. Samoa is an island group and nation in the South Pacific with a rich culture and history - NOT A COOKIE. What's wrong with 'Caramel Delight?' It's properly spelled and perfectly descriptive. The cookies themselves (the best the Girl Scouts sell, by the way) are both caramelly AND delightful.
Peanut Butter Patties - also a good descriptive name of the cookies, as opposed to the incorrect branding of this species, Tagalong. There are two main problems with the 'Tagalong.' First, it is often mispronounced as Tagalog - the second largest ethnic group in the Phillipines and also a language native to that island group (Did a Girl Scout exec vacation in the Pacific right before going on a cookie naming binge? Seriously.) Secondly, Tagalong? What does that mean? The cookie will somehow sneak into your luggage as you go off on a trip? As far as I'm concerned, Tagalong is the name of the littlest bunny sister in the Disney film "Robin Hood"... which is probably an entirely different post topic altogether. Peanut Butter Sandwich - also referred to as the 'Do-Si-Do'. Why? If I remember correctly from 8th grade gym class, the Do-Si-Do is a square dancing move...which has no connection at all to cookies.
Shortbread/Trefoils - These shortbread cookies have the Girl Scout Trefoil design in them. Either name is acceptable.
There are more varieties of cookies, but really...who eats any of them besides the ones discussed above? They also seem to only have one name, eliminating much of the potential controversy.
Bonus Example: Rule 40: In Regards to the Eating and Reading of Fortune Cookies.
Fortune Cookies are to be broken apart and eaten before reading your fortune. Failure to comply by Rule 40 voids the fortune contained within said cookie.
In addition to these completely serious rules that you should make every attempt to follow, I can see a weekly recap of archaeological travails as a possible regular post, and probably a regular NL Central rundown. We shall see.
Wow...I wish I had some Caramel Delights right now :(
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